Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Music

Music is probably my favorite thing in the world besides water. I love music of all different sorts. I am happy to sing a Baroque canon one day and a heavy metal song the next. Music speaks to me. It emotes things for me that I can't always get out on my own. I will hear a song that just says everything I feel way down deep at any given moment and wish I'd been the one to write it! Not just lyrics do I love though. The actual music itself, the notes, the crescendos, the decrescendos, the allegros and andantes and everything that comes together to form a song... I love it! I love how music can change how I feel. If I am happy, a song can make me sad. If I am calm, a song can make me want to go out and party. Music make me happy, sad, angry, shy, excited, lonely, grateful, horny, shocked, you name it! Here are some artists/bands/composers that I really like:

Sarah McLachlan
Pantera
Evanescence
Metallica
Mozart
Tchaikovsky
Handel
John Williams
Nickleback
Rob Thomas
Dido
Natalie MacMaster
Allison Krauss
Aaron Lewis (Staind)
Art Hatfield
Tori Amos
my Dad!
my Brother!


My goodness, there are so many, my fingers can't type as fast as my brain is thinking! There are tons more, I may post some of them later.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Viva Las Vegas!

Or, as Julia has been singing, "Julia loves Vegas!"
Our trip was wonderful!! It was the first family vacation we have had, and it was so awesome. The conference was amazing, but since I'll be talking about it on my support groups, and since those are some of the only people who read this, I'll just stick to the vacation highlights here!
Julia and Nathaniel were so funny. They loved everything, and they are at an age where we didn't have to spend a lot of money for them to be happy! They were perfectly happy to just look at things. They about died of excitement when they got to ride the monorail and when they went in a "real" castle at the Excalibur. Julia really dug the Egyptian stuff at the Luxor. Of course, they both adored the pirate ships at the Treasure Island. We didn't get to see the show there, because the wind was too bad, but that was the only downside the whole trip really (except for some super bad weather that forced us to pull over in Beaver for a bit, making our return time 2:30 in the morning). The water show at the Bellagio came at a perfect time, as we were getting kinda hot and tired at that point. We went up and down almost the whole strip. We used the trams and monorail a lot, and drove down back streets whenever possible, so we really didn't run into too much bad traffic. We also indulged in In n Out burger! BUT the highlight, for me anyway, was going to Siegfried and Roy's Secret Garden and Dolphin Pavilion. It cost money, but we saved a lot in other areas so we could go. It was awesome! There is a baby dolphin there, named Sgt. Pepper! He was so very cute and playful! The tigers and lions were beautiful, their habitats are really nice!
Overall we had a fantastic time, I hope they do the conference there again next year!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

If you love someone...

...DO NOT let them join the National Guard!! I am proud to be married to a soldier, I am proud of his reasons for joining, but by golly, I am NOT proud of the way they treat their soldiers!! After being promised he'd be paid by tomorrow, the NG has decided they have to go so far up the chain of command to fix THEIR mistake, it could be weeks before we get it!!
Now, if this was just a drill pay, it wouldn't be that big a deal. But we are talking 2 weeks of pay that we really need! We are in debt now as a result of not having it, and also it is now looking like we are going to have to cancel a VERY IMPORTANT trip to a conference in Las Vegas this weekend. We need to go to this!
The very worst part? This is NOT the first time his pay has been messed up!!!
Livid does not even describe how I am feeling. There is great anger, but also I am dejected, and hurt, and confused, and depressed, and worried, and disillusioned. What a travesty.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Oh the places I'll go...

I went to a bridal shower today for my cousin Karin. I am so excited for her wedding! It will be the first time I can go to the temple for a family member's wedding, and it's so awesome!

We are going to the hospital tomorrow. Julia is undergoing a sleep study, as her ENT thinks she probably needs her tonsils removed. Oh the places we've been with her! Motherhood should never, ever start out in the NICU, and should never, ever include so many hospital visit, surgeries, specialists, etc, that one is convinced the hospital system has had to open a new office just to hold the child's records. We have been so lucky in so many ways though. Julia can walk, she can talk, she can eat and drink and play and learn. We don't have to fear every time she gets exposed to a kid with a cold. We are only on surgeries number 10 and 11 next week. But oh, the heartache is not less. Oh no. In fact, in some ways, it's worse. If she was completely disabled, some things would be so much easier to deal with. If she was in a wheelchair, it would be obvious something is wrong. If she wasn't capable of learning much, I wouldn't stress over her eventual transfer to a mainstream classroom. If she wasn't capable of talking, I wouldn't be so frustrated that she is behind in speech. If she had limited control over her body, I would be ok with her not being potty-trained. But the heartache I don't think would be worse, it would just be different. I love her so much. But I'm so tired of the places we've been and have still to go.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Party Town

So I had a small gathering of friends tonight. Originally, I planned this enormous hoopla party, but life happens and so many ended up not being able to come... so it goes. That's all right, those who were there had an AWESOME time. I think. I did, anyway! I met some peeps I haven't had the chance to meet before. I love gathering with other families who have a special needs kid, or two, cause it's so much easier than having to always EXPLAIN that your child has a problem, and no, it's not that you spoil them! I also am happy we finally met another little girl with Pierre Robin Syndrome!! Well, not so little, she's a teenager. But a small teen though. I have only known 3 moms with PRS kiddos, and this is the first time I met the kiddo! So that was neat. To all those who came, many thanks and you are awesome! To those who couldn't, sorry you had to miss such a fun event! Maybe next time?

Thursday, July 12, 2007

A Light?

Well, Randy thinks the car will be ok for our trip. I still am hoping to have his military pay before then though so we can just rent a car and KNOW we'll be ok. AND it is highly possible that is gonna happen. I threatened the military yesterday with going to the media if he doesn't have his money in a week. Guess what??? They are suddenly all over it! So we should be ok now.

In other news, I am kinda pissed at Randy for recently being in touch with a female I don't like him talking to. There is a long history behind it, and I would ask you don't jump to conclusions because it's not what you might think, but suffice it to say, I do NOT approve of communication between them. Well, Randy had me check something for him in his email the other day, and there in plain sight was an email from this person... in reply to one from him... in reply to one from her. She tends to leave us alone for months at a time then randomly pops up somewhere, and I hate that! Why can't she just leave us alone?? She makes me uncomfortable, and they both know that. Randy is claiming he doesn't even remember emailing her, that he was just replying to some message from someone who seems to know him, and that he didn't even notice that's who it was. I kinda tend to doubt that, since her opening was, "I don't know if you'll get this..." Based on the fact that I used to head her off at the pass, so to speak. Obviously, Randy wasn't as upset I used to do that as she thought he'd be, because he still has never changed his password! Anyway, I totally trust my hubby. This girl is no threat to me. But I still wish she'd just leave us alone already!

Monday, July 9, 2007

My ME Moment

I am glad practically nobody reads this, so I can vent and not worry that millions worldwide will think I'm a bi*#@! I am just very very very STRESSED at the moment and I refuse to take it out on my family, so I will take it out on my blog instead!
I am so TIRED of being poverty-stricken all the time. Randy feels like crap because he knows he's not making enough to completely support us. He knows it isn't entirely his fault, his criminal record should not be such a big deal (one tiny theft, which, I might add, he didn't even DO!). BUT. He has been given some leads for some good jobs and he's not taking them. I truly believe it's for 2 reasons: 1) he feels so kicked around, he just doesn't have the chutzpah to do get out there, and 2) he doesn't want to feel like the only reason he gets a good job is because someone else butted in. Dumb, because in this world, it often is WHO you know as much or more than WHAT.
We really would be ok at this moment if the damn National Guard would pay Randy for his 2 weeks of AT! (Advanced Training). Somewhere along the way, his pay orders were lost, and we are going on week 4 with no money (because he just started another crappy job, which doesn't pay his first check til Friday.) So, right now we are pretty screwed.
And if that's not enough, our CAR needs a bunch of work. The radiator hose blew the other day. Randy fixed it and also changed the thermostat, but it needs LOTS more work.
Julia has 2 appointments and a surgery over the next 9 days.
Nathaniel, my "normal" kid, needs to seen an orthopedist for funny ankles and scoliosis.
And we have a conference down in Las Vegas in 12 days. With no $$ and a broken car.

I can't afford my diabetes meds.
I can't afford to see my doc to get back on anti-depressants.
I can't afford not to.

Prayers, people. We need 'em.

Friday, July 6, 2007

LOVE the 4th

We had a fan-damn-tastic 4th of July again this year. Funny, we went two years in a row with Randy here, two without, two with... does this mean he'll be gone again next year? I sure hope not! There is something deeply satisfying about having him here. I know he would rather be with his unit, on their current deployment, but I am soooo very grateful he chose to stay home with us. We need him here for more than a year at a whack!
Anyway, it was a fun holiday. We watched the parade and walked around the festival and came home and napped, then went to Dad's hotel and went swimming. Late that night, Randy and I sat outside and watched the big fireworks over BYU stadium for their Stadium of Fire. It was a good end to a long day. I am really proud of myself, I didn't bawl shamelessly every time a soldier/veteran/gold star unit went by in the parade. I teared up a few times, but I didn't bawl this year!! Being married to a soldier has only enhanced the sense of pride, pain, and respect I have always had for soldiers. They are true heroes, especially the ones who join for the RIGHT reasons and not just to get money from the government. C'mon, the government doesn't even bother to pay these guys sometimes. (Yes, Randy has been gypped AGAIN. I swear it's a conspiracy!)