I went to a bridal shower today for my cousin Karin. I am so excited for her wedding! It will be the first time I can go to the temple for a family member's wedding, and it's so awesome!
We are going to the hospital tomorrow. Julia is undergoing a sleep study, as her ENT thinks she probably needs her tonsils removed. Oh the places we've been with her! Motherhood should never, ever start out in the NICU, and should never, ever include so many hospital visit, surgeries, specialists, etc, that one is convinced the hospital system has had to open a new office just to hold the child's records. We have been so lucky in so many ways though. Julia can walk, she can talk, she can eat and drink and play and learn. We don't have to fear every time she gets exposed to a kid with a cold. We are only on surgeries number 10 and 11 next week. But oh, the heartache is not less. Oh no. In fact, in some ways, it's worse. If she was completely disabled, some things would be so much easier to deal with. If she was in a wheelchair, it would be obvious something is wrong. If she wasn't capable of learning much, I wouldn't stress over her eventual transfer to a mainstream classroom. If she wasn't capable of talking, I wouldn't be so frustrated that she is behind in speech. If she had limited control over her body, I would be ok with her not being potty-trained. But the heartache I don't think would be worse, it would just be different. I love her so much. But I'm so tired of the places we've been and have still to go.
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