FMS Part II

I don't want people feeling sorry for me. That is not my intent in blogging about this. Rather, I want people who may doubt the reality of fibromyalgia to get a glimpse of what it's like for those of us with it.
My symptoms started so long ago, it's been part of my life for at least half my life. I remember as a teenager, when it wasn't too bad yet, wondering why it was that doing a simple aerobics routine or swing dancing for more than a few minutes was so painful and difficult for me sometimes. I couldn't understand why I would wake up on some days ands just HURT and be too exhausted to do anything. I often attributed it to my diabetes, for lack of anything else, but it didn't make sense to even think it was that, because the PAIN didn't match diabetes issues.
The summer Julia was born was when it really hit hard. I had some very horrible days, and although I saw a doctor in my clinic, and one in the ER, and one in Instacare, nobody could tell me why I had this weird sheen in my vision, or why I was so dizzy, or why going up the stairs at the water park made me think I just might die from the burning in my legs. One doctor tried telling me it was from having a low blood sugar. I looked at him (this is totally true) and said, "I've been diabetic longer than you've been a doctor. I have been diabetic since you were in middle school. I THINK by now I would KNOW if it was low blood sugar." Needless to say, they wouldn't prescribe anything to help, for fear I was just out for drugs to feed an addiction.
It was so frustrating to go so long with no answers. I remember sitting in my doctor's office and telling him the sensation in my legs when I went up stairs was like... something was missing, some chemical or something, because they just didn't work right. I just didn't know how else to describe it! He was clueless.
I saw a doctor at the same clinic last February, I think it was. I took in a full list of my many, many ailments, and said, "I am not making this up." She ran a bunch of tests to rule out other things, like thyroid (I've had that done at least 15 times in the past 10 years), lupus, and hormonal imbalance issues. When those were ruled out, fibromyalgia was her diagnosis. She warned me it would be very hard to get care for it, especially to get insurance to pay for treatment. She told me there was not much that could be done from a medical standpoint, unless I wanted to get hooked on pain pills (which I most emphatically do NOT). She prescribed an antidepressant that helps the nerves calm down and not "feel" as much pain. It worked, to a degree. The normal days were better. (Normal means there is pain, but I am so used to it that I don't notice until someone touches me or tries to massage me. On normal days, I can play with my kids for more than 5 minutes without needing a nap.) I was able, at that time, to go to water aerobics (very gentle), and also got weekly massages from a woman who was specially trained in massage for FMS patients. For a few months, I felt so much better!
Now, I have no insurance and no time or money for the gym or massages. So I live with it. It is part of my life now, as much as Julia's issues are a part of my life. I don't like it, but I deal with it. After all, what other choice do I have?